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How’s This

I go into the kitchen to roll a smoke and I look out the window by the sink. There’s an old man out walking by, and I notice he’s looking up at my place. I look down and we make eye contact. I look again real quick and he’s still looking, so I keep eye contact until he wanders past the window. I wasn’t trying to stare him down or anything, I just thought it was weird that he saw me but he didn’t turn his head, like he didn’t see a problem with just staring like that. I think maybe’s he’s just old or maybe he didn’t see me, but I know he did.

I go back to the computer and about a minute later I hear a knock at on my front door. It’s the old man, and he says I need to use your bathroom. He’s all sweaty and wearing a blue sweat suit top and bottom, not from the same set, they don’t match. The top is like a powder blue, like an old tuxedo, and the bottom is a medium blue, regular blue. He’s got his right foot in a big black air cast with velcro straps. I got one from the physical therapy place when I snapped my ankle. It’s weird that he’s out walking because it’s been sprinkling on and off all day, and no way he can move very fast, no rain coat or umbrella or whatever, so if it started coming down, he’d be fucked.

I’m thinking whether it’s a good idea to let the guy in because honestly I get the feeling like maybe he’s not all there, not like because he’s old or whatever but like maybe he’s got something else going on, because he’s a little nervous and sketchy. He’s just staring at me with his mouth in this kind of frozen half open way, those big dentures with all perfect teeth but yellow, which is weird because I didn’t think that happened to dentures. So I’m about to say sure come on in when he puts his air cast foot in the door and starts to come in anyway like we already decided it’s cool or why wouldn’t I say yes because he asked or whatever?

I’m telling him where the bathroom is but he’s already turned away from me and going down the hallway when I notice that he’s looking down at his pants and fumbling around with the front pocket, but he’s all shaky and his hands keep reaching all over the place inside the pocket. Then I’m like, I can’t believe this, I think he’s totally grabbing himself, like maybe it looks like he’s gonna start beating off. The back of his pants are dropping down from all the reaching around in front, and I think he’s gonna maybe start to pull it out right there.

No idea what I’m gonna do but his back is still turned to me going at it, hands all inside the pocket. I’m thinking, this is totally fucked, but I’m not just gonna hit an old man, so I just grab his hand right at the wrist and yell hey, that’s enough. His hand is basically trapped in his pocket and he’s trying to get it out. He starts to sort of mumble and I get the feeling he’s about to get aggro so I step back a bit and say, I’m gonna let go of you, but take your hand out of your pocket or that’s it. So I let go, and as his hand comes out the pocket, a fucking little black pistol falls out on the floor.

I don’t even think at this point, I just grab the gun off the ground really quickly while he’s stil got his back to me, then get up real quick and shove him with my other hand as hard as I can. He falls over and hits the ground almost face first and pretty hard, not even trying to break the fall. I jump on top of him, just fucking screaming, what are you doing, you try to pull a gun on me, are you crazy, what the fuck?

I’m on top of him with my knee putting all my weight on his back pinning him down, but he’s not really moving, just breathing super hard and kind of moaning. He ate shit when I pushed him, and now I’m worried that he’s really hurt  and what should I do for about a second before I remember fuck that, he just tried to pull a gun on me.

After a couple of minutes he starts to get real quiet and it’s hard to tell if he’s even breathing. He’s pretty much spread eagle dropped on the floor. I gotta figure out what to do because I want to call the cops, but my cell is in one room, the home phone is in the kitchen, but I’m in the hall right by the front door and I don’t want the guy to get up. Finally I get up and scream, don’t fucking move, I have your gun, if you move I’ll pull the fucking trigger, but he doesn’t say anything or move or anything. So I get up really slowly and he still doesn’t move, so I run into the kitchen and grab the cordless and run back in and jump back on him to hold him down while I call 911.

The operator asks what’s the emergency and I tell her. She asked if anybody was hurt and did he fire the gun and I say no, he didn’t fire the gun, but he’s pretty old and I pushed him onto the floor pretty hard, so he might be hurt. He’s still totally quiet and I think maybe I should check his pulse or whatever, but I have the cordless in one hand and his gun in the other, and no way I’m gonna put the gun down. What’s weird is that the 911 operator says that she’ll send the police and also an ambulance, because maybe the guy’s hurt. I never thought about asking for an ambulance because, yeah I know the guy’s old and whatever, but he came into my house with a gun, so if he’s hurt, oh well.

About five minutes later I hear a siren and the cops come. They knock on the door and I’m thinking, what do I do with gun because I can’t just open the door with it. So I get up off the old man and start to walk backwards towards the door, not pointing the gun or anything, and I yell, I’m coming to the door, but I have the guy’s gun, what do you want me to do with it? The cop says put it on the ground and walk away from it, then open the door and show us your hands. So I open the door and stick my left hand up in the air, then let the door just swing the rest of the way open while I move my right hands really slowly into the air because I don’t want to move really fast and have the cop think maybe I’m pulling the gun on him.

The cop at the door tells me to put both hands way up in the air slowly and walk back until my back is up against the wall. There’s another cop behind him like two steps down, and he’s got his hand on his gun but it’s not out of his holster. My heart is fucking pounding because what if I make a weird move or whatever and the cop pulls his gun on me, that’s pretty much it.

They ask me where the gun is and I tell them, it’s on the floor in the living room. The first cop comes in and looks down the hall at the old man and tells him don’t move, he’s coming up behind him. The second cop comes in looking right at me with his hand still on the holster, so I say there’s the gun over there but I don’t point because I don’t want to move, and he goes and grabs it.

Then the second cop tells me to come with him outside to answer some questions and take my statement. He says do I know this guy, have I seen him before and I say no. He goes what did he say to you and I tell him and did he pull the gun out and I say no, I stopped him and it just fell out on the ground. Then first cop comes out with the old guy in handcuffs but with his hands in front, and his face is kind of fucked up around his eye and on his face from where he landed. He looks totally out of it, not saying anything, just staring at the ground while the cop walks him down my steps and puts him in the back of the car. Then the ambulance shows up and one of them just kind of checks out the old guy real quick and I guess tell the cops he’s fine because the old man stays in the back of the cop car and the ambulance turns on its siren and takes off.

The cop asking me the questions says here’s my card, we might need to ask you some more questions, then he gets in the car and they leave. All my neighbors are outside looking at what’s been going on so I go back inside and have a smoke on the back patio.

About three weeks later I remember I should call the cops because I’m going to Phoenix over the weekend to visit Jay because his wife’s about to have a baby and he wants to party before shit gets crazy for him. I never gave them my cell phone number and I called 911 from the house phone. So I grab the card and call Officer Padilla and tell him who I am and here’s my cell number in case you call and I’m not there. He says no, we’re all set, but thanks, it’s all sorted out and we won’t be proceeding in the matter.

So I ask him what’s the deal if you don’t mind me asking, and he says that basically the old guy lives in a nursing home like five miles away over by the school and just took off one morning. He told me the old man has dementia and all the nurses said it was weird that he actually asked to use my bathroom because he hasn’t talked in like months, just mumbles and shit and is pretty much out there.

So I ask, stupid question, but where did he get the gun if he has dementia and he lives in a nursing home? And the cop says that it’s actually registered to the old man and he must have grabbed it from his old house where his daughter lives, which is a couple of miles from the nursing home, so he actually walked like seven or eight miles that day in his air cast. So I ask are you going to press charges or whatever? And he says no, he didn’t actually break any law because he used to be a security guard over at the old Hughes warehouse back in the day and still has a permit to carry.

So I ask what about when he tried to pull the gun on me and he says, he didn’t actually do anything unlawful, you said in your statement that you grabbed his hand and it fell out, he didn’t pull it on you or in any way threaten you. So I ask is he going to get the gun back, like, should I be worried that some old man is out there wandering the streets all crazy with a gun in his sweat pants, and he says, by law we have to hold the gun for ten days to check it out in case it comes up in any outstanding cases or whatever, but we released it to his daughter three days ago since she has power of attorney.